When he talks, he just talks and talks, and I can’t get a word in edgewise…
It can sometimes be a very awkward situation for learners—especially when they’ve worked hard beforehand to be able to contribute to a conversation, only to find themselves in a dialogue where a native French speaker monopolizes the conversation, leaving no room for the other person, who is nevertheless making an effort to speak French. It’s even worse when our learners understand 90% of the information being conveyed and there are no particular issues with vocabulary or context.
This leads to frustration and also to doubts about their own ability to contribute, speak up, and interact with native French speakers. Indeed, it’s rare to have a “talking stick” available to help regulate speaking time and active listening…
A vague sense of shame sometimes overwhelms the speaker who was unable or didn’t know how to participate in the conversation: “I didn’t meet HIS expectations… I should have spoken more… Why did I stay silent… Even though I wanted to speak…” A sense of failure can have a lasting impact on future conversations, and yet this isn’t really fair.
What you need to keep in mind is that in a conversation, the responsibility for the quality of the information shared lies with both speakers. If one of them is clearly very talkative, it’s important to PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE and not take it personally if you’re unable to speak up.
By taking a step back, what’s essential is the purpose of this conversation:
What information did I need to hear, and what information did I need to convey?
To find your place in this exchange, you need to create breathing room using a tool: the art of rephrasing.
Here are a few sample phrases that can be useful in such situations:
Can we take a moment to rephrase what we’ve said, please?
Can we take a moment to summarize our conversation?
Did I miss anything important?
So, if I understand correctly, what we’ve been saying is…
If I understand you correctly, you were trying to tell me that…
You’re telling me that…
To wrap things up, in his world-renowned book on practical psychology, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie offers 28 pieces of advice, and the ninth is as follows: “Encourage others to talk about themselves.”
It reads: “To get a conversation off to a good start, you can ask simple questions. Find common ground and focus on that topic that you both seem to know so well! You might find yourself at a loss for words. But don’t panic, because this gives you a golden opportunity to focus on what matters: THEM! It’s always a good idea to let others talk about themselves—both to get to know them better and simply because people love talking about themselves.”
So, even if our learners couldn’t get a word in edgewise and the conversation turned into a monologue, they may have made another friend—a French one, no less!!! Here’s hoping for fruitful exchanges… in the next conversation, of course!